Book Club

I've really been into reading lately. In the past year, since Lola came along, sadly I've only read two books! Not enough time for that sort of silliness when you're caring for a newborn, looking for a job, starting a new job, working hard to lose weight and all of that! But, the two that I have finished, I absolutely loved. Now, I am on a roll and am currently enjoying TWO books at the same time. I hope to read at least 5 by this time next year!

So, first book was "Paint It Black" by Janet Fitch. A recommendation from Ms. Nicole Nodarse, and a follow-up to Fitch's awesome "White Oleander". I absolutely loved "White Oleander", so I was excited about starting a new Fitch novel. I started reading this when I started back at the gym, it was easy to get through 60 minutes of cardio while reading something. At first, I wasn't really into it. The story of a punk-rock, art-student, alcoholic, druggie 19-year old, whose boyfriend kills himself and her life going forward, trying to get through it, and who forms an odd relationship with the dead boyfriends mom. It was tough for me to really care or empathize with her character at first. She was annoying, self-pitying and dramatic. But, I guess that's how the reader was supposed to feel. I eventually began to enjoy it when the story focused more on the developing relationship/friendship between Josie and Meredith (girlfriend/mother). It definitely progressed as it went on, and it ended up being a good read. Not as good as "White Oleander", not at all, but still it was enjoyable. I'll give it 2.5 out of 5 stars. And only 2.5 because I wasn't particularly fond of the ending, and just like the absolute end, not the whole end, if that makes sense; and that joined together with the rough beginning will only allow me to give it 2.5 stars.

BUT - my second read was a definite 5-star book! "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides, author of "The Virgin Suicides". Never read The Suicides, and really hated the movie. I was hesitant to buy the book. And actually, I bought the book about 5 years ago and tried to read it then, but for some reason, never picked it up. Glad I finally did! Oh, it's just a great story. I think I loved it so much because it's practically a historical fiction. Lots of historical information and facts thrown in there to keep it interesting and "real". Pretty much a story about Calliope, a hermaphrodite raised as a girl, and her coming-of-age story. It's a great read and all of you should read it!

Currently reading "A Long Way Down" by Nick Hornby, whom I know Guadalupe was a fan. I'm already halfway done with the book and I just purchased it this weekend. I never read that fast! But, the book is awesome. I really like it. I will have to give it more of a review when I am done, hopefully by the end of the week!

And, I just got my copy of the Ryan Adams "Infinity Blues". Dude is awesome. Prose & poetry from the best singer/songwriter out there!? Yes, please. There is definitely a Bukowski feel about it though, but I'm not complaining! I will probably be using some well-written quotes from the book some time soon. I love him. *swoooooooon*

ONE YEAR

One year ago today I was in the hospital, cringing in pain, anxiously awaiting our little Lola to enter this world. I can remember it like it was yesterday, and I cannot believe that a year has passed. It's been a whirlwind of new emotions and experience. I think it's a good time to reflect back on the year and all that I've learned in this short period of time.

1) There are no words to describe the absolute love and admiration that takes over when you first see and hold your own baby for the first time. I could have never imagine the overwhelming sense of love and fear that is constantly described in all of the pregnancy books I read. That first moment...there are no words, and I finally understood what all of the books were talking about. It's amazing and miraculous, but until you experience it first-hand, it's practically unexplainable.

2) No matter how much you prepare, read, research and plan - those maternal instincts will just kick in and you will know exactly what to do. I knew that I was, by no means, "maternal" or "motherly", I had no idea how to hold, feed, change, swaddle or even clean a baby. What the hell was I thinking?! But, by that second...okay by the fourth day...I knew exactly how she liked to be held, when she was hungry, and when she needed to be changed. The whole bath & swaddling thing came a little later, though!

3) Mommy-Time - Take it. Don't feel guilty (although this continues to be a struggle at times), and get out of the house. While I was pregnant it seemed that I stayed in my house for 9 months; except to go to school, doctor appointments and to work, I tried to stay in as much as I could. I didn't want to do anything! And those first 4 months after having her, I was home all of the time. No job, no more doctor appointments, no school...it was so draining. I felt my brain cells melting away. So, as soon as I was able to get out and start exercising and meeting friends for dinner and/or drinks, it was great. Of course, the mom-guilt set in and I began to feel bad for wanting to get out for a few hours. But, after a few weeks and reading buttloads of mom-forums and articles on baby websites, I began to realize that "mommy-time" was not a bad thing. For one, it allowed Max and Lola to bond more, and it also allowed me to hold on to my sanity. I learned that I am allowed to still be AMY, and not just mom. I've learned that it's healthier for Lola to grow up knowing that Momma has a life and is still an independent person...just like I hope she will be.

4) Date Nights - Date nights are always a good thing. Relationships most definitely change after a baby - don't let anybody tell you different. Having time together as a couple is healthy, and very much needed. Some days Max and I barely speak to each other...not because we're fighting or anything like that, but caring for a baby is very time-consuming and some days it feels like we never even said hello. Taking some time out and going to a movie or dinner or doing whatever feels like heaven.

5) During the first year with your baby, hold them as much as possible. It's not spoiling them, it's reassuring them that you are there, that you will always be there.

I wouldn't change a thing that Max or I have done during this first year. Yes, it's been a learning experience and would we do things differently if we have another? Probably not. From what I can tell so far, Lola seems like a happy, well-adjusted, intelligent and most importantly, healthy baby girl. Can I still call her my baby girl? You betcha! She will always be my baby!

In conclusion, this past year has been the best year of my life. I cannot imagine life without her. I wouldn't change a thing about my life. I love being a mother, a provider and a partner. Motherhood is definitely a journey, a lifetime journey, and I am very much looking forward to what the next year has in store.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOLA! WE ALL LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!

Daddy!

Well, this Father's Day was the first official one for dear daddy Max. Unfortunately, due to my paycheck & work issues, I didn't have the means to go out and buy anything or order anything material for him. So, we ended up going out to lunch, anywhere he wanted, which was Fuddruckers, and we went shopping for some new toys for his bike. Not much, but he got a nap in and I didn't bug him to help me clean all day, so he got a break from that!



I do wish I could have done more for him, because I hope he knows how much I truly appreciate him. I try really hard not to take him and his presence for granted. Myself included, there are so many families out there who do not/did not have their fathers around. The more I think about it, the sadder it makes me. I cannot imagine trying to raise Lola alone, and obviously I know that it is possible and that there are so many mothers out there who do it, but just the thought of him not being there for his daughter can bring me to tears. I know what it was like growing up without a male role model, and I think this had a lot, if not everything to do with some of the bad choices I made in regards to men. It just breaks my heart to think that Lola may have to experience some of the stuff that I have. So, I thank my lucky stars every day for Max and I feel so blessed that he is so involved in Lola's life. I just hope that she is never without him! And I hate to think of "what-if he leaves one day..." because ultimately, it's not a pleasant thought and I think we are in a good enough spot to where that won't happen, but then again, you never know what could change in the matter of a few years. BUT - I do not dwell on those thoughts, just the happy ones! I love that he plays with her as he would a son - wrestling moves, throwing elbows on the elephants, and just plain, but moderate and super gentle, rough-housing. And I also love that he babies her and if she bumps her head or falls down and cries, he is right there to pick her up and cuddle her, while telling her that he will "kick that floors ASS!"


I couldn't be happier that Max is such a great daddy and I think I've finally convinced him that he should be another daddy soon!! Well, not soon-soon, but some time in the next few years, most definitely. And I couldn't be happier with my little family. I love this whole motherhood and family thing. It's my new favorite thing in the world.

Some things

Here are a few things that I will focus my mind on until I get paid:

I am sooo getting this chair personalized for my babycakes. And I will probably get the stuffies, too. And can I just mention that Lola WILL have a room straight from the Pottery Barn Kids catalog. Wow, they have some amazing stuff. One item at a time! I'm sure we'll accumulate a put-together room by the time she's a teenager.

Thinking about my sweet baby girl and her upcoming birthday party. It may not be the best one ever, but I'll make damn sure she is happy.

I'm thinking a bottle tonight will do me. Cabarnet Sauvignon, how I love thee and your robust flavors. Specs - excpect a visit from me soon.

I know what I'm eating for dinner tonight, and it's going to be awesome.

Seriously?

Naturally, I'm not a worry-wart and I don't stress over much...but when your job is at stake, it's hard to not stress out. Was given the news the other day that our paychecks will not be processed on the expected date. Given that we are only paid monthly, it makes it really hard to not get that paycheck when you expect it. So far, still nothing. We (the company) have no money in our accounts and therefore cannot pay the three employees who show up everyday and perform their jobs to the best of their abilities. Expected payment is this week, but who knows if that is actually going to happen. If it doesn't come in on the promised date, I know someone who isn't returning to the office until that money is in her account! It's a scary prospect, losing your job, or rather, not getting paid for work performed. I know, eventually I will be paid, but until then, my stress levels are higher than usual. And I hate that.

Suffice to say, I am on the job hunt once again. Have had two interviews with two different agencies this last week and another interview pending. I also hate searching for jobs. That's a quick way to knock you off your pedestal. Potential employers scrutinizing your job history, asking the necessary questions - all just to tell you that you aren't qualified enough or your background doesn't match their needs. But, in the end, once you do land that sought after position, it makes it all worth it. All of those other people who passed on you don't seem to matter in the long run. I'm just thankful that I am still employed and have time to try to find the perfect fit for me.

So, currently stressed out and super sad because it's Lola's first birthday and there is tons of stuff to buy and get ready for, but I don't yet have the money to do so. I mean...ANY other month it would have been a little better and more bearable...but my baby's first birthday!? C'mon. It's amazing what a lift and life-saver that money you depend on turns out to be. Fingers crossed that I won't have to go on a mini-strike at the end of the week. But then again, maybe that will give me more time to interview.

Please, bank account - - refill & replenish thyself. Or more accurately - company bank account, please refill & replenish thyself.

Ugh.

Official...

So, my official time for the Impact a Hero 5K was 33:49. That's 2.5 minutes better than my last 5k! Yay. I almost ran the whole time; I had to stop a few times to rest and regain, but I tried my best to finish quicker than before.

It was a fun run. Sad, and yes, I even cried a little bit - for the cause and all. I felt this swell of emotion when I got there and saw all of the military gear and triple-amputee soldiers walking/wheeling about. I could barely contain myself when the mini-parade began and the crowd fell silent, some were saluting, others clapping, and the tour bus full of wounded Iraq vets drove by. Goodness...that was when it all fell apart. So freaking sad yet grateful at the same time. So many sacrifices. Seeing the guys with their babies, and wives...and knowing that they gave up so much just to serve their country. I have always respected the military and what they stand for; but I have a new-found respect and admiration for our soldiers. I love them.

I'm grateful that I was able to participate and am proud that I finished the race in a decent time. I am already looking for the next 5K to run. I need to start trying for a 10K soon. Because, ultimately...I would love to try the half-marathon in January. Need to begin some serious training, though. 13 miles is no joke!

Almost ONE!

Holy crap. I can't believe Lola is eleven months already. It really does seem like just yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital. I am in the planning stages of her birthday party. Originally thought it would be a HUGE shindig, but I think it's just going to be small, not so quiet, but just family and a few pals who wish to show. We will be getting a slip n' slide and one or two baby pools. Thought that would be fun enough for the older cousins and also fun for Lola...if she happens to decide she wants to get in a pool. I am going to have to try that out before the party of course. Hopefully she doesn't freak when I put her in the pool.

So, eleven months...what is she doing now? Crawling everywhere, clapping, pointing (her personal favorite thing to do), walking while holding onto whatever she can, pulling up like a champ, jumping!, babbling (everything is dada right now). She is so close to walking, but is still hesitant to give it a go without some help from momma. I think her personality is starting to shine through a bit. Well, at least her tantrums are becoming a bit more frequent. And I shouldn't really call them "tantrums", she just screams and cries for a while and then is over it. She seems to be pretty easy-going, observant, inquisitive, HAPPY, and sweet sweet sweet. Oh, she also knows how to give kisses...complete with "mmmuah" and everything! I love it! It's my favorite thing that she does.

I can't believe our little baby will be one in 28 days! Gosh, it's been such a whirlwind of a year!Can't wait for number two! (second year...NOT second baby, I can definitely wait for that!)

Lola & her Great Aunt Denise

Lola's favorite place - outside!

Crawling to Momma

I think she was saying, "cha cha" trying to say "tree" perhaps?

Lola & PawPaw John

Training

I have officially begun "training" to becoming a better runner. I have run 5K's before, and before my little bundle of joy was part of this world, I was an occassional/leisurely runner/walker. I've always enjoyed the outdoors and the hobby of going to a park and running the track. Never did I think that I would become one of those runners who actually LOVED to run. Well, it has happened. I look forward to my runs every day. I know that I have to take my rest days, but I honestly feel jipped when I can't run outside. I've never been a fan of the treadmill either. But, now that I realize that it's a good training method, I have learned to love it. Given the weather we are forced to endure here in Houston, learning to love the treadmill is a good thing. Now that it's almost June and still a short three weeks from the official beginning of summer, I believe the gym will quickly replace my 4-pm daily runs. I love taking the little munchkin with me to the park. It took a while to get her acclimated to the somewhat-rough ride at Memorial Park, but I think she's pretty used to it now. Although, an occassional scream is heard before the 3-mile marker, it's pretty rare that she wants out before I am done.

I have my second 5K this Saturday, and I am pretty confident that I will shave at least 2 minutes off of my finish time. This time I will not have to worry about a screaming Lola, as I did last time when my mom had to walk with her. I actually ran my best mile to date yesterday(thanks Nike+ for that nice tidbit of information), yep, when I ended my workout a nice voice congratulated me for running my fastest mile; a brisk 10.44 mile. Ha. Hopefully I will laugh one day when I see that number. I would really love to run an eight-minute mile! But, I digress...that "best" mile was while pushing 50 pounds of weight in front of me! That stroller business is serious. I do like the extra 100 calories that I burn, although at times it is rough to remain in full training mode while moving with that extra bundle.

So with that being said, the Impact-a-Hero 5K this weekend I will be baby & stroller free and running with my mom, who by the way, runs a 30 minute 5K. So, I won't push myself too hard, but I will try to keep up and beat my last finishing time of 36.38. I have ran 4 miles and 6 miles since the last race and I believe my endurance and speed has increased. I will be sure to post my official time Saturday evening!

Mini-Vacay

I guess the days of taking a whole week off to travel to another American city to visit bars and restaurants have been left in the dust of my prior life.

This year, my vacation consisted of traveling to Arkansas to visit my family, and then on the way home, stop at a KOA Campground for some good, old-fashioned, cabin-camping. We had a great time. The 8-hour drive was nice; no screaming baby. She was actually very well behaved. I sat in the back with her for a few hours and we played and danced as she dozed off. She did have a major diaper blowout, though. We had to stop in Lufkin to buy something to cover the car seat up where her poop and pee seeped through her clothes and onto the lining of the car seat. Yep, it was that bad. Her little outfit is a goner now...still stained after two washes. We arrived in Little Rock while it was still light outside! A departure from our two previous visits, when we arrived close to midnight each time. It was good to get into town while you're not dead tired from night driving. Since we were also there during Max's birthday, my dad and step-mom decided that he would get to choose where and what we ate all weekend. We went to a pretty good, given the fact that we were no longer in Texas, Mexican food restaurant. Service pretty much sucked, but it was Friday night rush. I rode with my little (step) sister, who isn't so little anymore. She got a new Ford Mustang for her 16th birthday! She didn't scare me too much while driving the short distance to the restaurant.

It was a good visit for all. Max, of course, cooked for them and they loved it. I forgot what he made since I typically don't eat it. I think it was some pork stew-madness. I just know it had big chunks of pork, with the bone still in, and I just don't do bones in my meat, and I don't do stew. I actually made a cheesecake and it turned out so good! It wasn't too rich or heavy, it was just right. I did good! My first attempt at a cheesecake turned out perfect. Well, the crust could have used some help, but that's whatevs. It's the crust...nobody eats that! Max helped Rachael and Kala make some awesome cupcakes (I will post the pics later on today), and they had lots of fun. My dad had a blast running around with Lola and taking tons of pictures.

So, once we arrived at the cabin in Hot Springs, with a sick baby and after driving around Hot Springs for about an hour, I realized that I was on vacation and I hadn't had one drop of alcohol! Well, I had a margarita with dinner one night, but that's it. It was weird. I just began to recall the days when that's what my vacations were made up of and planned around. Bars, bars and more bars. I've reached a point to where I don't miss going on a bender and feeling like crap the next day, but I can admit that I miss the happy hours and hanging out with my friends. So...I went back into town to the nearest gas station and bought a 6-pack of Smirnoff Ice. Hadn't drank that stuff in ages, but it was all they had. Got back to the cabin, Lola was napping, snapped open an "ice", and sat on the front porch swing with Max. Halfway through the bottle I was ready for a nap myself. I only drank one beer and it was done. Gone are those days. Now it's all about family vacations to "family-friendly" locales. I have no problem with that at all. I love Disney, kids are free most places until at least age 12, and I am happy that we will be able to take our little girl around with us. I am excited to be able to help her experience the world...one vacation at a time.

Prejean v. Hilton

I am not sure if anyone has been following the latest debacle that Fox News has been spotlighting. Actually, it was last week so who knows what is going on now in "Fox Nation". But, the drama that has unfolded has really begun to exasperate me!

As much as I hate to admit it, I think...maybe it's the whole getting older thing, or maybe my values/ideals have changed a bit due to the fact that I have more than myself to think about these days...but my political ideals are beginning to take a change. There. I said it. It's out. Not saying that I am a full-fledged, card-carrying Right-Wing Extremist now, but there are some definite points that I feel strongly about and if that labels me as a right-winger, then so be it. And just to preface, I'm not against gay marriage...I'm not a homophobe either, I just believe in everyone's equal right in every way possible. People can't be all "equal rights for us" and then when someone holds an opposite view say they aren't allowed to feel that way. It doesn't work that way, folks. Free Speech - - look it up.

Back to the point at hand...Perez Hilton and the Miss California pageant. Anyone? Anyone? Well, if nobody is aware of the issue - here it is. First, and I still don't understand this, but P-Hilton was a judge for the pageant. Okay? So, during the Q&A session, Carrie Prejean is asked about her support for gay marriage, and much to the dismay of Captian Dumbass, replied, "—"In my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman". WOW. How controversial. How dare she say what she really believes! How dare she NOT be for gay marriage! And how dare she say it to the great and wonderful Perez Hilton - the know-all, be-all for gays everywhere.

Now, don't get me wrong, just because I stated that my ideals were changing, doesn't mean that I am against gay marriage. I have always been a supporter and really don't see the big deal of allowing same-sex marriage. That issue isn't what my rant is about. Rather, it's about the fact that this girl expressed her belief and she is then blasted for it. I watched an interview with her on CNN a few days after the pageant and days after P-Hil went onto his website and called her out for being a "dumb bitch" and a "cunt", and whatever else he felt the need to describe her as. What gives? Can he not deal with a 21-year beauty queen who isn't interested in his bullshit website or who isn't afraid to say what she means? The CNN anchor was rightly appalled at the behavior exhibited by Hilton. Just another reason to compound my growing loathsome feelings towards P-Hilton.

All in all, I think it's sad that someone can be threatened and berated for believing in something that is, after all, in her full rights as a human being to believe. I don't agree with the outrage towards her and I hope she gets to keep her crown (nekkid photos aside), and be in the running for Miss America. I think it's quite refreshing for a young woman to hold her values and ideals to the utmost and not waver with her beliefs when faced with anger and violence.